She thinks if they had met at a different time or place, or if they were both sane, or maybe lived in a different planet, they would have been perfect. Almost.
She thinks, if they weren’t obsessed with how the future would turn out for them or if they weren’t worried about breaking each other’s hearts, they would have been “couple goals”. Almost.
She thinks, if she had only focused on how happy he was and how his happiness radiated across the room, she wouldn’t have been here telling you how much she misses the way his eyes closed when he smiled. Almost.
She thinks if he wasn’t so stuck on the belief that broken girls break men’s hearts, and if he wasn’t persistent with his ‘if it’s meant to be, it will be’’ mentality, they would still be talking about their dreams and aspirations.
Because She thinks it was strange that the first time they met, she went home and thought about their silence. How can you think about the silence you had with someone unless you are in almost love?
She thinks he was scared. He was scared because he felt she was broken. But there is a difference between knowing something and feeling something. Because if he knew, she would have been more than just in almost love. And he would almost love her back. Almost.
She thinks, if she hadn’t believed that everyone is replaceable, she wouldn’t be here telling you she wishes he was more than her almost lover.
Because, she thinks she wanted him to find her, even though she was playing hide and seek with her heart, with herself. How does one find you when you’re hiding from yourself?
She thinks he wanted to love her but it didn’t feel safe. How broken could she have been to scare someone off that much?
So, yes, that’s the story. They were both filled with indifference and guilt and all they could be was almost lovers.
And in the end, she hopes he doesn’t blame her because she won’t blame him.